all of the past happened like, yesterday

cantaloupe + self-sabotage + cool sneakers

In my thirties I thought I was capable of anything. For example: I was certain I could cure my boyfriend Paul’s cancer.

undated | 2002

Just spoke to Paul. He’s in pain. The bones in his foot, his ankle. Plus it’s all swollen. I want to get him out of the city, out of Brooklyn. I want him to have fresh air. And fresh food, cooked outside. I want him to get some sun, walk on the beach, put his feet in the sea. I want for him to be creative. He has his poetry to write. His plays. This can’t really be happening, but it is. And he’s barely older than me.

My wants are a lot for him to ingest right now, though. What with him having open sores on his foot from the radiation. I hate that he has to go through all of this. Plus he has to go by the welfare office tomorrow, probably for a long appointment, in order to get his rent paid by the City. Being off work for four months has put him in a big hole. He’s not asked me f…