Maybe you understand this (let me know if you do): I’m having a moment where I’m so distracted by feelings, my written work is showing up on the page at a snail’s pace. This is unlike me. The thing is, I need my feelings, to actually do the work. So, yeah: fun times. But I’m getting through it.
It’s an uphill climb right now. Some of that climb involves actually breathing. Deeply. And stretching (literally and figuratively). What I’m about right now is un-tightening. I feel my upper back, and my soul … releasing. Slowly but surely, I’m making progress.
This is a wild week in culture. It’s anchored by the news that Sean Combs was
hit with a three-count federal indictment charging him with of sex trafficking, racketeering and transportation to engage in prostitution.
More details are here. Combs is being held without bail, at least until today, when
his lawyers will again push for bail and pre-trial freedom from "horrific" jail conditions.
More bail details are here. But by the end of the day, a second judge denied him.
Van Lathan and Rachel Lindsay are talking about all of it on their Higher Learning podcast,
which is produced by the awesome Donnie Beacham Jr., who used to work with me on Black Girl Songbook. Higher Learning is here.
There’s also this close read of the charges:
The details are, shall we say, vivid: Freak Offs (it’s capitalized in the indictment), firearms with defaced serial numbers, thrown vases, a thousand bottles of baby oil and lubricant, Molotov cocktails tossed into cars.
Here’s the effed-up surreality: Bad Boy Records music is still everywhere, and it still sounds good. Kendrick Lamar, in one of his many acts of perfect timing, dropped a song on September 11, rapping about how it’s “time to watch the party die.” Some even think Lamar knew Diddy’s charges were eminent.
All of the above has me massaging my temples. Nauseous. I’m trying not to take a fourth Aleve. Trying to walk it out. Play with my dog. I’m listening to music inspired by a George Clinton talk I gave at USC’s Thornton School of Music last spring. It spans decades and makes me feel grounded.
Because there’s been a lot of movement around the Combs story I wrote over the summer.
In it, among other things, I tell the story of how he threatened me.
I appreciate the invitations to speak about it. I appreciate the kinds words in my inboxes. Thank you.
Here’s what Long Reads thinks about the story. And the line that has been quoted the most, at least back to me, across social media, are the first three lines of the below paragraph. I write a a lot about Black women and ambition — and the world’s responses to that ambition. You can see some of that, here.
And the ‘graf that wrenches me by the damn jugular is the below list:
Louis McKay physically and financially abused Billie Holiday. Ike Turner physically and emotionally abused Tina Turner. Ted White beat Aretha Franklin. Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13-year-old cousin, who, when filing for divorce more than a decade later, in 1970, claimed that she had been “subject to every type of physical and mental abuse imaginable.” Both David Ruffin and James Brown beat Tammi Terrell. The convicted killer Phil Spector locked Ronnie Spector in their home. Miles Davis’s marriage to the funk singer Betty Davis reportedly ended because of what she called his “violent temper.” Donna Summer was abused by her boyfriend Peter Mühldorfer. Dr. Dre beat the singer Michel’le and the journalist Dee Barnes. Chris Brown hit Rihanna. More than a dozen women have accused Russell Simmons of sexual assault, and in some cases rape, all of which he denies. (He also has denied that he moved to Bali to avoid extradition.) L.A. Reid stepped down as the chief executive of Epic Records following a 2017 accusation of sexual harassment by an assistant (a lawsuit filed last year accuses him of sexual assault and harassment). Tory Lanez shot Megan Thee Stallion. Last month, the producer Diplo was accused of distributing sexual images and videos of a woman without her consent. (His lawyer cast doubt on the accusation.) And then there are the countless women who remain unnamed or choose to be anonymous or decide not to report at all.
My goal was context. And it ends up a horrifying document of receipts.
Meanwhile. I’m thinking and writing and and visiting family. I recently experienced an hour-long foot reflexology situation and it has me seriously walking on air.
I’ve had conditioner in my hair for days and last night I watched shows made in other countries — just to fake-escape current events for a second. The sheer amount of lies being told — on purpose, with ferocity — is exhausting. Hatred makes people so shameless and ugly. Haitians are being targeted in Ohio. White MAGA are saying “nigger” for wide broadcast without hesitation (or consternation from a show’s host). I’ve needed a minute to breathe. Oh and my movies were on Hallmark or Netflix or Acorn TV.
We found love in a hopeless place We found love in a hopeless place We found love in a hopeless place We found love in a hopeless place
Yellow diamonds in the light Now we're standing side by side
I always think of “We Found Love” (2011) around this time of year because September 22 is the release date of the song that has become Rihanna’s biggest selling U.S. single ever. We can nod toward she and Drake’s 2012 “I’ll Take Of You,” as well as she and Eminem’s 2010 “Love the Way You Lie.” We can chat about Rihanna’s “Work” (2016). We can discuss she and T.I.’s 2008 “Live Your Life.” I like all of them. But my faves are 2007’s “Umbrella,” and the relentless, meta-cultural “We Found Love.” The song was produced by Calvin Harris, and the video was directed by Melina Matsoukas (who I profiled here).
“We Found Love” was recorded in the aftermath of Rihanna’s relationship with Chris Brown, and has of course been associated with that moment in her life. People around the song say it isn’t so, but I don’t really care because, whatever the case, songs rarely exist solely as diary entries. And aside from that, what is super relevant now is that Rihanna has found love in an amazing place. She and ASAP Rocky look both wildly happy with each other and comfortable around each other (ask GloRilla). Importantly: Rocky looks comfortable in Rihanna’s universe. He does not look nervous or threatened by her role in the world. It’s beautiful, rare, and deeply heartening to see.
On an episode of my Black Girl Songbook podcast, I examine Rihanna’s life — from entering the industry as a teenager from Barbados to becoming a self-made billionaire. Vocal producer Kuk Harrell even jumped on to talk about the making of “Umbrella.” Listen in:
A few FYIs: I am a lot at Instagram, here — where I post the personal and the professional, the emotional and the vulnerable. There’s also a SHINE BRIGHT HQ insta that is just getting off the ground — it’s very quotable. Please join me. If you happen to be on Cosmos (better than Pinterest! a discovery engine for creatives!) I am there also. Be well! I sense a pendulum swinging our way.
In music,
Danyel
PS:
I get it. It’s the worst: to feel so much so bad you cannot even write through it. I’ve been in it a while (for a combination of reasons) and it’s the absolute worst. Gotta practice doing all the things that help the healing and practice patience and self compassion. Solidarity!
Hugs to you! I can only imagine this moment, while vindicating, also comes with its own triggers. That Knee Deep remix was perfect for my morning writing routine, about to finally write another Substack and companinon episode/video as I hit a major career milestone today!